Ye-e-e-es, I thought that would get you reading.
While the rest of the blogosphere is bursting with Hallowe'en spook, I break my blogging silence to bring you my reflections on one of life's imponderable questions.
Why is dog poo brown?
And specifically, why is it brown, in autumn?
We dog owners, we have a hard life. If the dog is squatting, unless we fix our eyes on the exact spot, and march swiftly to said spot, without looking to left or right, or even blinking, we will find ourselves looking for a poo among multi-coloured-but-all-of-them-a-variation-of-brown fallen leaves, which said activity makes looking for a needle in a haystack seems as easy as pie. Incidentally, that's a ridiculous metaphor, because baking a good pie is actually very hard, as any Great British Bake Off viewer will tell you.
But, dear Bloggy Friends, here is the magic of blogging. I present this as a problem, and then I turn it into a business opportunity! Ta-da! I am going to invent some kind of non-toxic food colouring that shows up in poo in a neon colour. It's probably been done already. The medics love that kind of thing, don't they? They're always putting odd substances inside you and then filming it, or scanning it, or chopping it up. I'm going to patent a dog food that produces neon glow results!
Better still, I'm going to find a way of putting into dog food that infra-red (or is it ultra-violet?) substance that they use to stop bank note forgery. It's ultra-violet, isn't it? Not infra-red. No. Anyway, where was I? Then I'll sell some kind of wand-y thing, that dog owners can wave over the ground, to locate the purple poo. This is better than the neon glowing poo, because the poo will remain invisible to the general public, and only be visible to the guilty dog owner. We don't really want the parks of Britain to be littered with neon splodges, though our trainers and wellies might thank us for it. It wouldn't be very sightly. Although let's get back to the seasonal subject of Hallowe'en here. Dotting the park with neon splodges would actually be a rather Hallowe'eny thing to do, wouldn't it? It would really put the poo into spooky (see what I... never mind).
OK. Back to blogging silence. Enjoy Hallowe'en!
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Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Monday, October 7, 2013
Textpat Mum
Still on my blogging break, but just had to share this story with you.
The way technology makes decisions for you annoys me. For example, I can't drive my car unless I am wearing the seat belt. This is annoying if I've parked, undone the seat belt, and then decide I'd like to edge forward another inch or two. The car just won't move, unless I buckle up again.
Another example: my phone automatically uploaded all my google contacts, even though I never asked it to. This is rubbish, because it means that I have a large number of contacts, whereas I only use the phone for calls and texts to people in my immediate life. (No, I'm not boasting about that number of contacts; it's just that the phone has uploaded anyone, everyone, who's ever sent me an email to which I've replied - or that's what it seems like).
Thus it was, dear Bloggy Friends, that one of my Bloggy Friends who lives in Chicago received a short burst of texts from me today:
"How about john n natasha? freya in poppy's class"
"McNabs? two daughters and know the andersons. u like peter who talks to u after chapel. wrights? john and roger wld get on"
"So how about smithsons collingwoods andersons and wrights?"
Poor Expat Mum was a little confused, until the final one shed just a little light:
"cld u find out when guest night is and if too late to take 6 or 8 places"
and she realised that it was me, trying to text my husband, whose name (without giving away any anonymity here) might mean that he is next to her in my contacts list.
Oh, and while we're on the subject of annoying technology, what about spell-checkers? In an email chat with another Bloggy Friend this afternoon, I was amused when she told me that having her sons at different schools worked out ok, "but it's a piano when it comes to pickup".
The way technology makes decisions for you annoys me. For example, I can't drive my car unless I am wearing the seat belt. This is annoying if I've parked, undone the seat belt, and then decide I'd like to edge forward another inch or two. The car just won't move, unless I buckle up again.
Another example: my phone automatically uploaded all my google contacts, even though I never asked it to. This is rubbish, because it means that I have a large number of contacts, whereas I only use the phone for calls and texts to people in my immediate life. (No, I'm not boasting about that number of contacts; it's just that the phone has uploaded anyone, everyone, who's ever sent me an email to which I've replied - or that's what it seems like).
Thus it was, dear Bloggy Friends, that one of my Bloggy Friends who lives in Chicago received a short burst of texts from me today:
"How about john n natasha? freya in poppy's class"
"McNabs? two daughters and know the andersons. u like peter who talks to u after chapel. wrights? john and roger wld get on"
"So how about smithsons collingwoods andersons and wrights?"
Poor Expat Mum was a little confused, until the final one shed just a little light:
"cld u find out when guest night is and if too late to take 6 or 8 places"
and she realised that it was me, trying to text my husband, whose name (without giving away any anonymity here) might mean that he is next to her in my contacts list.
Oh, and while we're on the subject of annoying technology, what about spell-checkers? In an email chat with another Bloggy Friend this afternoon, I was amused when she told me that having her sons at different schools worked out ok, "but it's a piano when it comes to pickup".
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