Ch-ch-ch-changes - the expat experience

OK, so everyone who is anyone is writing about what marks you out as an expat.

See here (Moscow)

and here (Chicago)

and here. (York)

I thought I'd better join in.

What do I do now, that I would never have done before my stint abroad?

• I don't mind if food isn't piping hot, and I don't expect plates to be warmed (though I do warm plates myself, if it's just me and Husband eating, without the children, which I guess is a dangerous indication of double standards, but I'm just being honest here).
• I used the adjective "excited" to describe adult emotions or behaviour. That always used to be a word just for children.
• I expect attentive customer service. This is a long, weary road to disappointment. I look back on myself in my pre-US days, and think "Why did I think that being ignored was comfortable and non-intrusive? What was wrong with me? What is wrong with Britain?" The one that really gets me is when someone says "I'll be with you in a minute" and continues writing on a piece of paper behind the till. I feel like saying "That piece of paper isn't going to make a purchase. I might. It is in your interests to serve me first, and attend to the piece of paper's needs later."
• I might mention that I used to see a counsellor. I might even go so far as to use the word therapist. I know. I'm never going to fit back in.
• I can't stop going on about how wonderful the NHS is. My GP politely listens. I haven't yet made an appointment with her just to tell her how wonderful the NHS is, but I can feel it coming. There was a notice up on the waiting room door saying "We arranged an extra clinic to meet demand, and ONE THIRD of patients didn't show up for their appointment. Please let us know if you are unable to attend an appointment." I wanted to go out and buy my GP flowers to make up for it. 
• I would quite like magazines in the waiting room that are dated later than 2011, though. 
• I say "uh-huh" instead of "yes". Which actually is quite Scottish, so that's ok. No-one notices. I sometimes say "absolutely" instead of "yes". I sometimes say "totally" instead of "yes". 
• I use the word "totally" way too much. I say "way too much" way too much.
• I find John Humphrys way too rude, irritating and aggressive. In fact, I don't listen to The Today Programme at all any more, which was one of the things I was looking forward to getting back to. There are only so many times you can shout "let them finish their answer" at the radio before you give up. 
• I would like parking spaces (which I call "parking spots") to reflect more accurately the width of the average 21st century car.

There are a million other things, but the list is long enough.

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I really love the NHS

I was wondering whether it would be more cost effective to have 14-yo's eyes tested and buy new specs for him in the US or the UK. In the end, I decided to wait till we got to the UK. I'm so glad I did.

True, the eye test was in a rather dingy and small room, and wasn't as thorough as in the US, where you have drops put in, photos taken, air puffed at you, and who know what else. It was just with one person, whereas in the US, the preliminary stuff is done by an assistant, until the moment comes when The Ophthalmologist arrives and finishes the process. True, we'll wait a week or so for the glasses, whereas in the US it's usually 2 or 3 days. True, the display of frames wasn't in a spacious showroom, and it was all a bit cramped. I expect if I was American, I'd have thought it was rather shabby and I wouldn't have liked perching on a small chair in the corner while they measured 14-yo's forehead, and the whole experience might have seemed rather... what's the word?... can't think... well, just not very swish.

However, there were huge advantages. The NHS paid for the test, and then gave us a voucher to spend on glasses. Boots will then give you a child's pair of glasses for free (the NHS voucher covers some of the cost, and Boots subsidises the rest). But because Boots also had a buy one get one free offer, we decided to use the voucher towards adult frames, and we walked out having chosen two pairs of prescription glasses (one plain, one sunglasses), with all the fancy non-scratch coating and other stuff that you usually have to pay extra for, for 62 GB pounds. How fabulous is that? Very fabulous, that's how fabulous. Very fabulous indeed, when I think that in the US, because eye care isn't covered by our insurance, I've spent over $200 on an eye test for a child. Then when I've actually had to buy glasses, it's been at least $200 a pair.

Another issue is that anything health-related always takes so long in the US. It's partly because they're so thorough, but I can't help suspecting that part of it is because you need to feel the cost is justified. A lot of the time seems to be spent in moving you from one suite of rooms to another, leaving you to wait, considerable peering at computer screens and checking your details, researching different costs of lenses according to their thickness and lightness, and getting you to fill in forms which say "You, oh Ophthalmologist and all who work here, are not liable for anything, anything, anything. I will never sue you, never, never, never, no matter what you do, even if you gouge my eyes out, or deliberately amputate one of my limbs without anaesthetic, or sell my child abroad, or decapitate my husband, I promise I won't sue you, and if I do, you can point to this piece of paper and prove that it wasn't your fault".

We were in and out of Boots in 45 minutes. I didn't fill in a form, beyond my son's name, address in England, and telephone number. The people were friendly and helpful, though clearly very busy.

To sum up: 45 minutes, eye test, two pairs of prescription specs, 62 pounds. Result.

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