A parent's moral dilemma: the reveal

Great answers, everyone. I really enjoyed hearing from you all.

In reality, what happened was this. I asked Husband, who, after all, does teach RME (Religious and Moral Education) and has whole shelves of books on ethics, so you would think he would have an opinion. Failing that, he could quote Socrates or Bonhoeffer and I could get cross and accuse him of being irrelevant. Either would be possible. In the event, he asked

"What did you actually tell 11-yo you'd do?"

I thought about it, and I replied

"I told him that I would ask the neighbours and the postman next time I saw them, because they were the obvious people who could have dropped it.* So yes, I had said I would ask the postman. "

This made it much simpler. [At this point in the story, you may feel unfairly treated, like when a murder mystery author introduces a new fact about a character or situation which you couldn't possibly have worked out for yourself, and which is key to the denouement. In my defence, may I point out that when I was pondering the rights and wrongs of the case, I was in your situation too. I didn't see this piece of information as relevant. It took Husband "just call me Hercule" to dig it up, shine a light on it, and reveal it as important.]

So I told 11-yo, that I'd asked the postman, that the money belonged to him, that I'd repaid him, and that 11-yo needed to give me the cash. I was fully prepared to be met with disbelief, annoyance, accusations of being unfair, and 11 year old wrath, and I was ready to argue my case. But 11-yo said

"Oh, ok then. Well that's his good luck, isn't it?"

and coughed up the dosh, without a murmur of hesitation.

Being a parent is full of surprises, isn't it?

But one moral dilemma leads to another. As I was telling Husband the end of the story, I said I was glad for the postman, who's such a very nice and helpful guy. And then I paused to reflect, would the issue have been the same if the postman had been a miserable, grumpy geezer? Would I have done the same thing? Should I have done? At this point, Husband muttered something about being late for work, and hastened off, shaping his moustache between thumb and forefinger, tapping his cane on the ground, and practising rrolling his Frrench rr's.


*in the front garden, where it was found, to those of you still wondering why the postman would be snooping round our back garden.
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A parent's moral dilemma

Yes, I thought a title as snappy and inviting as that would have you clicking quickly over here.

Here's a story. What would you have done? I'm genuinely interested. And when you've all told me, I'll tell you what I did.

11-yo found a £10 note in our front garden. Imagine the joy. We're in a cul-de-sac of two houses, not on a street, so it was a bit of a puzzle. No-one passes by, possibly dropping money as they go.

We asked our neighbours, and it wasn't theirs. We said "Finders Keepers", and 11-yo was happy. But then a couple of days later, I asked the postman, and he said yes, it was his (and I asked in such a way that I knew it was, ok? I didn't just say "We found a £10 note; did you drop one?"). So I gave the postman £10.

So what happens now? Do I tell 11-yo, and tell him he has to give up the £10 note to me? Do I not tell 11-yo, because spoiling a child's joy is a rotten thing to do? Should I have not even asked the postman? (Too late now on that one.) Do I split the damage 50-50 with 11-yo - not logical, but a reasonable compromise?

The other factor you need to know in this story, is that it's 11-yo's birthday this week. Obviously that has no moral bearing at all, but I find it significant, in a flakey maternal way.
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