Driving Miss Iota: Part 1

I'm thinking of having one or two advanced driving lessons. (Thinking about it, in that way that I suspect that I'd like to do it, but won't quite get round to it, because it will never reach the very top of the priorities list.) I'm losing confidence in driving, and I don't want it to get worse.

I used to love city driving. Nipping in and out of busy traffic in my little Vauxhall Nova, being able to parallel park in the teensiest of tiny spaces, being assertive enough to be a little cheeky, but not pushing it too much. I still enjoy city driving, but I'm aware that I'm not as sharp as I used to be. And I think it's got more difficult. There's more going on. You have more gizmos on your dashboard (and I don't even use the Bluetooth phone thingy), and a GPS bossing you around.

Life is more complicated. It used to be me, the Nova, and the open road. Now it's me, the GPS, children who want to know stuff about where we're going and why, iPods which want to play their music through the sound system and can only do so if I scroll down some menu or other, and the dog in his crate, which slides back and forth if I brake too quickly, reminding me that I really should remember to wedge that crate with an old blanket.

Cars are definitely more complicated. For example, I was taught what to do if you stall. Handbrake on, into neutral, turn the ignition key. But our car restarts automatically, though it sometimes doesn't (presumably if I'm still in gear). It takes me a moment to work out what it's doing and why, and really it would be much simpler if it just languished in stall mode and allowed me to sort things out. I want to be in control of my own destiny, rather than be forced to hand it over to a bunch of VW engineers in a design room in Germany, however vorsprung durch technik they may be.

Life, cars, and of course traffic also is more complicated. Remember roundabouts in the old days? You used to drive up, stop, make sure nothing was coming to your right, and then proceed. Now, you can't stop. Oh no. You have to slow down, and filter out. Otherwise you cause all kinds of anguish. Roundabouts aren't even round any more. Lots of them have multiple lanes, with traffic lights, and arrows, and all kinds of un-roundabouty distractions. I know roundabouts that have mini roundabouts around them (Hello, Hemel Hempstead). Some of the bigger ones have roadways through the middle of them (looking at you, Headington on the Oxford bypass), and so the sign that tells you which lane to be in looks like something you need A level Physics to understand. In the two seconds you have as you drive by it.

Traffic is faster, and you have less reaction time. Do they still teach learner drivers to look over their shoulders before pulling out, or is it all done with mirrors these days? I remember that not checking over your shoulder was something you could fail your test on, but now there really isn't time. By the time you've rotated your neck backwards and forwards, two lorries, a bus and five cars have whizzed past.

I feel the rules have changed, and I've not quite kept up. That's why I'd like a lesson or two. In fact, I rather think everyone should have a course of refresher lessons every 15 years. Why not? Wouldn't that be a good idea?

I was talking about this with a friend. "I'd like to feel 100% confident that I know what I'm doing," I said. "I'd like to be behind the wheel, driving along, feeling in full control, knowing that I know exactly how I should be driving and what I should be doing in any situation."

"You mean you want to be a man?" he replied. "We feel like that when we drive."

See what I mean? A refresher course every 15 years could be a good idea for everyone.

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