Ye-e-e-es, I thought that would get you reading.
While the rest of the blogosphere is bursting with Hallowe'en spook, I break my blogging silence to bring you my reflections on one of life's imponderable questions.
Why is dog poo brown?
And specifically, why is it brown, in autumn?
We dog owners, we have a hard life. If the dog is squatting, unless we fix our eyes on the exact spot, and march swiftly to said spot, without looking to left or right, or even blinking, we will find ourselves looking for a poo among multi-coloured-but-all-of-them-a-variation-of-brown fallen leaves, which said activity makes looking for a needle in a haystack seems as easy as pie. Incidentally, that's a ridiculous metaphor, because baking a good pie is actually very hard, as any Great British Bake Off viewer will tell you.
But, dear Bloggy Friends, here is the magic of blogging. I present this as a problem, and then I turn it into a business opportunity! Ta-da! I am going to invent some kind of non-toxic food colouring that shows up in poo in a neon colour. It's probably been done already. The medics love that kind of thing, don't they? They're always putting odd substances inside you and then filming it, or scanning it, or chopping it up. I'm going to patent a dog food that produces neon glow results!
Better still, I'm going to find a way of putting into dog food that infra-red (or is it ultra-violet?) substance that they use to stop bank note forgery. It's ultra-violet, isn't it? Not infra-red. No. Anyway, where was I? Then I'll sell some kind of wand-y thing, that dog owners can wave over the ground, to locate the purple poo. This is better than the neon glowing poo, because the poo will remain invisible to the general public, and only be visible to the guilty dog owner. We don't really want the parks of Britain to be littered with neon splodges, though our trainers and wellies might thank us for it. It wouldn't be very sightly. Although let's get back to the seasonal subject of Hallowe'en here. Dotting the park with neon splodges would actually be a rather Hallowe'eny thing to do, wouldn't it? It would really put the poo into spooky (see what I... never mind).
OK. Back to blogging silence. Enjoy Hallowe'en!
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I have a horror of picking up someone else's dog poo because of this. Not sure why that would be any more revolting than picking up your own dog's hot steamy offering but it is to me...
ReplyDeleteI sometimes accidentally pick up the cold, hard poop of another dog and I dislike it very much. I prefer the semi-solid, warm poop of my own dog so much better. :)
ReplyDeleteGenius idea which I applaud you for. However, I had been imaging that your absence was due to a hectic life juggling new job and family life and so, much as I wished you would post, I knew it was selfish of me as you would clearly have nary a spare minute to yourself let alone time to blog. Yet I now discover that you apparently have so much time on your hands that you have been contemplating dog poo. Really Iota? Dog poo? Time for you to get back to blogging me thinks before your mind wanders to ponder on even more unsavory topics than dog poo!
ReplyDeleteAre you going to NomPlom or whatever its called? You know a blog post every day for the month of November. I'll do it if you do :)
Debberoo. I did once post every day for a month, and trust me, it's much harder than you might think. I don't know why. It was during a period when I had plenty of time (if I'm honest) for blogging, and I allowed myself to do very short posts, so I didn't have to write screeds every day. But even so, it was very much a commitment. I don't want to discourage you though. In fact, I would encourage you to do it. I was really glad I'd done it, and it felt like a real achievement.
ReplyDeleteCunning plan!
ReplyDeleteI think you should definitely patent that idea....as a non dog owner, I'm also laughing at those who don't object to their own dog's poo but do to others. It's like babies!
ReplyDeleteIota, I've done it and each time was left begging for mercy towards the end ;) I always felt November was such a hard month to do it because you've just come of the Halloween crazy, have Thanksgiving to deal with whilst trying to not leave everything Christmas to the last minute. My "posts" frequently consisted of a photo with a title. However, now I am so glad that I did because I have the posts to look back on. Think I'm going for it. Some people can't be saved from themselves! ;)
ReplyDeleteMy dog died a few weeks ago, I never thought I would 'miss' clearing up after her in the garden. Not miss exactly but regret moaning about it. I would give anything to have her back....and her mess.
ReplyDeleteI'm relieved we've only got a goldfish!
ReplyDeleteHaven't been over to visit for a while and I'm greeted with dog poo! Charming! ;-)
This is utter genius. Actually i think the neon poop could be a good thing - maybe the kids would spot it before they ran through it...
ReplyDeleteNeon poop would be so SS 2013! Go Iota!
ReplyDeleteHi, not sure whether you'll see this, as I'm reading your archives from the beginning (yay me!).
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to mention, when I was a small child, there used to be white dog poo. You never see white dog poo any more, and I do sometimes wonder why. Such is my life. (Just mistyped that as 'Suck' and almost left it!)
Me again.
ReplyDeleteJust Googled white dog poo (yes, it's 4pm on a Friday afternoon!) and it seems it has something to do with the amount of bones that dogs eat. Feed your dog bones = instantly recognisable poo. You're welcome.