Saturday, December 3, 2016

Americanisms in British English

When I returned to  Britain, I kept a list of Americanisms that had crept into everyday use in British English since I'd left. It's a bit old now, and you probably won't believe me on some of them - they're so embedded in our language that you'll find it hard to remember that they didn't used to be. But here it is, a snapshot of how the language changed between 2006 and 2012.

"I’m good", for "I'm fine" (or "Fine, thanks")  in response to the question "How are you?"

Store, for shop

Excited, used to be a word for children but adults can be that too now

Cute, for sweet

Smart, for clever (ubiquitous now)

Heads-up (as in "here's a heads-up" which I know for a fact I'd never heard before I went to America, because I asked someone what it meant)

FYI (similarly)

Call, (as in "call me" - we used to say "phone me" or "give me a ring", or even - remember this one? - "give me a tinkle")

Camps, eg short activity courses for children - what on earth did we call them before?

Fixed, for mended

Done, for finished

Mad, for angry

Pharmacy, for chemist

Medication, for medicine (or we used to call them "drugs" a long while ago)

Sick, for ill  (has "poorly" completely died out?)

"Sides" on a menu (did we call them "side orders" or "extras"? I can't remember)

Check out, for find out

Anxious, for worried

Butt, for bottom (and of course ass, for arse)

News anchor, for newsreader or newscaster ("newscaster" is rather a nice word, as if giving news is like being a magician, or a fisherman perhaps)

Regular, for normal (and, of course, for medium-sized)

"Could I get?", for "Please may I have?" (I'm normally easy-going about language change, but I do hate this one)

On your team, for in your team

On your street, for in your street

Fill out a form, for fill in a form

Cookies, for biscuits

Power outage, for power cut

Hiring, for recruiting

Round-up, for summary 

Not-for-profit, instead of charity, or charitable

Movie, for film (of course we all knew what a movie was, pre-2006, but we didn't use the word)
  
Shipping & handling, for postage & packaging

Ziploc bag, for freezer bag (yes, I've heard this one used)

File cabinet, for filing cabinet

Klutzy, for clumsy

Raising kids, instead of bringing them up

And as I mentioned recently...   Mac 'n' Cheese, for Macaroni Cheese

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Wednesday, October 26, 2016

American food arrives in local Sainsbury's

That's enough regrets. I think there are probably others, smaller ones, including something about not getting out and about enough in the local area, but heck, don't you always feel that when you leave a place? Or indeed even when you live there. So let's move on to new things.

One thing I remember getting very excited about when I lived in the Midwest, was when our local Dillons created a British section. Well, history is mirroring itself, and now I find that our local Sainsbury's has created an American section. I was intrigued to see what kind of things would be stocked. 12-yo and I were discussing in advance what we would like to see there, and, sad to say, I found it hard to remember the detail of what went in my supermarket trolley (cart). I do remember some particularly delicious soft Dillons cookies, but I'd pretty much given those up by the time we came home, once sugar had become the big foe, and I'd worked out that they probably had a higher sugar content than sugar itself.

It turns out that sugar is the predominant ingredient in the Sainsbury's American section. Sorry, Americans reading this, but that does seem to be what your foodstuffs are known for over here.


12-yo became very excited at the sight of Lucky Charms, but I swear we hardly ever allowed them to sully the inside of one of our cereal bowls. If anything falls into the category of "edible food-like products", it's Lucky Charms. You can't read the text on the photo, but those small pots are gluten-free Lucky Charms. Something so unfood-like doesn't deserve to have nutritionists working away at reproducing it in a gluten-free way. This is where capitalism goes wrong. The market isn't always right.

Reese's products are always sorely missed by American living abroad (I've read your blogs, I know your Reese's lamentations). Personally, I thought Reese's Peanut Butter Cups were invented by someone who was aiming to win the "Food most difficult to scrape off the roof of the mouth with the tongue" award, and none of my family likes peanut as a flavour (which was something of a problem for us in the US), so I suppose Reese's products were never going to do much for us.

Speaking of edible food-like products, what about these?


Including Ghostbusters limited edition ones, with key lime slime. Sainsbury's, what were you thinking? On special offer too.

Moving swiftly on...

12-yo was happy to see these, and I have to say I have a fondness for Nerds, because of their name.

Here's something that I'm sure the Americans living in my city miss from home.


And this too.

Ooh look. Another one on special offer.

Snapple has nothing to do with a Grapple, but I'm not sure I ever told you about my encounter with a Grapple in Wal-Mart, in my early days in the US. I came across a fruit that looked like an apple, but was packaged up and labelled as a Grapple, and purported to be a cross between an apple and a grape. Intrigued and somewhat suspicious, I bought it, wondering (a) what on earth food producers would think of next, and (b) why it looked just like an apple rather than what you might imagine an apple-grape cross would look like. When I got home and read the very small print on the label, I discovered that it was an apple injected with grape flavouring. Only in America... (Actually, it really is only in America that I've ever come across that distinctive grape flavouring which doesn't taste like grapes at all, but is often used in children's food products: Calpol equivalent, for example).

You've probably despaired of me finding anything I liked in the Sainsbury's American section. But wait! Look here!

Aaaaahh! Kraft Mac and Cheese. Love the stuff. Every mother's easy dinner. Cheap, quick, tasty. I seem to remember it was 99 cents in Dillons, unless you got the deluxe version which had posh creamy cheese sauce in a sachet instead of the powder version. The only downside to Kraft Mac and Cheese is that it ruins all those homemade macaroni cheeses you used to make, because your children think it's much more delicious and so you will never again think it's worth spending the time making a white sauce and grating cheese. Actually, I've just thought of two other downsides. First, naughty despicable Kraft bought up Cadbury's, promised they wouldn't close a factory in Bristol, and then did, and we all now live in fear that they're going to turn Cadbury's Dairy Milk into Hershey's. Second, I've noticed that in the UK, we now call good old Macaroni Cheese by its upstart American name, "Mac and Cheese". I've seen "Mac n Cheese" on several menus. Sigh.

12-yo and I thought of one item that wasn't in the Sainsbury's American section that we would have liked to see there. Goldfish! Definitely something we miss from our American days. What about you? If you're an American expat in Europe, or if you're a Brit who has lived in America, what American food do you miss here?

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Sunday, September 18, 2016

Regrets: number 3

I never made a quilt.

I knew just a little bit about quilting from a friend whose mother was a very keen quilter. They had lived in Canada for a couple of years, and I think her interest stemmed from that time. When we arrived in the US, we stayed with a woman for a couple of weeks (a contact of a contact who very kindly opened her home to us) who was a quilting addict. It was a bit of a nightmare, as there were pins, needles and scissors everywhere, and I had a youngest who was two years old (the woman didn't have children). In those early days, I had time to kill in the house during the day. It was both strangely busy (sorting out bank accounts, driving tests, social security numbers, house hunting), and strangely quiet, because there were long spells when I was alone in a strange house, with my three children, knowing no-one and hardly able to go out because the weather was so bad and - as I was horrified to find - you couldn't walk anywhere. So I picked up a book about quilting.

The book was a series of short stories and reflections, and I found myself drawn in. So as the children watched rather a lot of the Disney channel and Nickelodeon and I began my lament for CBBC (a lament which would last five years), I would read short pieces about quilting. I began to understand some of the magic of it. It's not just the sewing, you see. It's the love that goes into the quilt. Women down the years have made quilts for their daughters as they marry, for their sons as they go off to a new city, for a cousin who is ill, for a friend who is bereaved. Quilts are an expression of love, of support, of caring. They are designed with creative excitement, stitched with love, finished with a joyful sense of completion, and given to their recipients as gifts from the heart. This all seemed a little over-the-top and too emotional to my newly-left-Britain ears, but I warmed to it. Perhaps it was the beginning of a new perspective on our famous British reserve and stiff upper lip.

The other aspect of quilting that caught my attention was the community of women it brings together. In the pioneer days, women desperately needed each other's support and practical help, and quilts would be - literally - pieced together from scraps contributed by friends and neighbours. The women would gather together to finish the quilt, filling it and backing it in one long session, that could last all day, all persevering together until the final stitch was done. If I remember rightly, this is called a "quilting bee". One of the stories in the book I read urged non-quilters to go along to one. "You'll find a warm welcome, laughter, and long-lasting friendship", it said. "Experienced quilters love a beginner to take under their wings." Alone in a strange land, that sounded like just what I needed. A ready-made group of older, wiser women, who would pass on their skills, and gather me up. I decided I would make a quilt, and then I'd be able to take it with me when we returned back to Britain, and it would be my American thing, full of American memories.

Reader, I never made that quilt. There was a moment when it came closer, when we moved into our own home, which had a lovely light-filled room that had been the previous occupant's sewing room. But for us, that room needed to become a child's bedroom. Life became busy with other things. I found friendship elsewhere, and I did find my group of older, wiser American women, but in a book club, not a sewing circle.

I enjoyed quilting vicariously through an English friend in Hertfordshire who took it up, and started blogging about it. Reading her blog, I could see how the old values of quilting are being practised in new ways made possible by the internet. Women are exchanging designs and techniques, helping newbies get started, sending each other packages of fabric through the post, enjoying competitions and challenges, and working together on projects. There are blog posts describing joyous real-life meetings of friends who have got to know each other online. The magic of quilting meets the magic of blogging!

Perhaps I will take up quilting when I retire. I'll have a table on which I can leave a sewing machine and half-finished projects, without having to clear them away before dinner-time; there'll be no-one wandering round the house in bare feet (those pins!); I'll have time to stitch away to my heart's content. Perhaps I will design a quilt called "American Memories". Perhaps I really will.

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Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Regrets: number 2

Travel. We didn't travel enough when we lived in the US. It wasn't that we didn't want to. Our restrictions were money, time and distance.

Money
We arrived in the US just after the crest of the Easyjet wave had broken in the UK, when you could fly to European cities for literally £10 a ticket, or occasionally even less. Not that we had done any flying to European cities, me not being a huge fan of city-breaks with toddlers/babies, but our youngest was nearly 3 when we went to the US, and I thought we'd be in a phase where that kind of travel would be more enjoyable. I envisaged us flying to interesting destinations: New York, Washington, San Francisco... Seattle... It was a shock to discover that the budget airline idea hadn't reached the US, and that to take a family of five anywhere by plane would cost several hundred dollars. I also hadn't realised that our little city, in the middle of the country, not being a hub, had a very limited choice of destinations, so that to get to New York, Washington, San Francisco or Seattle would involve two flight. That always ends up being the best part of a day, which makes the idea of a weekend jaunt a lot less feasible.

Time
The first aspect of time being a limiting factor was the way the school year is arranged. The UK school year is full of breaks: Christmas and Easter, and then half-terms here, there and everywhere (well, I suppose they're half-way through each of three terms, so not exactly "here, there and everywhere" but if you've lived the routine of the US school year, that's what it feels like when you compare the British system). We had three days off at Thanksgiving, a couple of weeks at Christmas, a week in March, and that was it. Yes, there's scope in there for trips, but if you want to be at home for Christmas and Thanksgiving, it didn't seem like much. Of course there is the hugely long three-month summer vacation, but of the six years were there, for three summers we came back to the UK, one was taken up with surgery and chemotherapy, and one involved our final move back. Only in our first summer did we really have the opportunity to explore the US. I guess the expat family will always be juggling their resources between making the most of their new adventure and keeping in touch with their roots.

Distance
I'm sure it would have been different if we'd lived in another location. If we were on the East coast or West coast, there would have been places of interest to drive to. But we were right in the middle of the country. It's hard to get a feel for the scale of journeys involved in the US until you live there. We all know it's big, but to experience what exactly that means is a different thing. In UK terms, it was a day's drive before you reached somewhere that looked or felt different. Yes, driving is easier and we had a big comfortable minivan (people carrier), but even so, it did mean that trips were for holidays rather than week-ends. In terms of places that we could visit within a day, or even an overnight stay, we pretty much exhausted those in our first year. I know you'll find that hard to believe, but there are vast tracts of the Midwest where there is nothing but wheat field upon wheat field, for tens, if not hundreds, of miles. If you do stop, the choice is this McDonalds or the next one. When you reach another big city, it feels exactly like your home one, all on a grid system, and you end up eating in a chain restaurant, because it's hard to find anything else in a city you don't know (I expect Google and TripAdvisor has made this rather easier now, but five to ten years ago, it was hard to get beyond the main street in a strange place).

This all sounds rather more negative than I meant it to. I suppose I have in my mind an anonymous reader taking me to task: "Seriously? There wasn't anywhere interesting you could go for a week-end? You lived in another country for all those years and you hardly took your children anywhere!". I want to explain to that voice what it was like, and I guess that is one of the frustrations of the returning expat, that you can put something into words, but as your audience hasn't experienced the context, it's hard to make it understandable. You'll just have to take my word for it.

I like to think, as well, that it's a sign of how we assimilated to where we were. After our first summer, I started conversations at the school gate as I would do in Britain. "Did you have a good summer? Did you go anywhere nice?" I was amazed at how few people had been on vacation at all. People had perhaps visited family for a week-end, but very few had had what we would call a holiday. I stopped asking those questions, because they weren't the right questions to ask. I started asking "Did you have a good summer? What sports teams and camps did your kids enrol in?" Perhaps, over time, my travel aspirations dwindled.

Having said all of the above, we did manage some travel. I went off on some cheeky week-ends on my own: to Chicago for the week-end of the Expat Brits Blogging Six, to New York to visit an old friend and meet up with my brother's family on holiday there, to Chicago again to stay with the hugely hospitable Expat Mum who also put up my brother while he was on a conference. They were real high points. We did also craft some trips with our kids. We went to San Diego in our first year, when we were flush with cash from our initial move when the pound had been particularly strong against the dollar. We went to Colorado too, a 12-hour drive from home, four times in all - or was it five? The place we went to in Colorado became special to us, and we loved returning there. We may not have taken the children to a great number of different places, but we do all share strong and happy memories of that one place. There is something nice about returning to the same location over three or four years, and that thought goes some way towards dissipating any regrets I have, if ever I look at a map of the big, big continent of North America, and think "New York... Washington... San Francisco... Seattle...".

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Sunday, May 8, 2016

Regrets: number 1

This time four years ago, we were planning our return. Husband had a job, we knew what city we were landing in, the kids had places at a school, our house was on the market, and we were embarking on the endless list of small things to do when big moves happen.

My mother-in-law asked me this week-end if I regretted going to America. I don't. Not ever. Not for one minute. We missed out on things here, for sure, and we made life difficult for ourselves, our children, our wider family. But we are the richer for it. We ended up staying longer than we meant, so what was intended as a short adventure became normal life, and there were some scary times when we thought we'd perhaps end up staying for good. In our bones we knew we wouldn't, but it also became very hard to see a route back to the UK. Thank you, credit crunch of 2008.

So no, I don't regret it at all. But there are things I do regret about our time there. Things I would like to have done, but didn't. Opportunities I didn't take. I don't want to be judgemental on myself, because it's easy to look back and forget just how exhausting and bewildering it is, making sense of a new culture. I didn't have a lot of spare imagination and energy. As a mother, now, of increasingly independent teenagers (did someone say "floordrobe"?), I forget how much of one's day - and sometimes night - as a mother of small children is taken up with their well-being, and the sheer domesticity of life. And that's without having to learn a whole new barrage of brand names in the supermarket, school routines, local etiquettes. I had cancer too, which tends to be rather absorbing. I battled cancer, I should say. That's what people say, isn't it? So I offer you these regrets with something of a wry shrug. If I had my time again, I would try and find a way to do these things - but I didn't at the time, because I was doing other important things instead.

First, I didn't make the most of the opportunities afforded by my English accent. I really can't over-state how much an English accent gets noticed in America. It never got old, when people commented on mine. The comments were always well-meant, and warm in tone: "I just love your accent". It seems strange that the British accent is so highly admired, but it was lovely to be in possession of something so prized - for free! I'd never practised it, never had to pay for training, never learned it consciously, didn't have to worry about its upkeep. Effortlessly mine. Putting this unique selling point of mine to work seemed like a good idea.

I first thought of using my accent when a local video studio put the word out that they needed a native Brit. They were making a series of training videos for a global pharmaceutical company, and the European office had asked for a British actor. There weren't many Brits in the city where we lived, so it was a request along the lines of "anyone? please?", rather than something that might involve an audition. At the time, I didn't have any hair, and though I generally felt confident in my nice selection of caps, I didn't feel quite confident enough to be in front of a video camera. Yes, I could have got fixed up with a wig, but I never liked that idea. There was also the issue that, at the time, I didn't have a Green Card, so I couldn't work for payment. I toyed with the idea of offering my services on a voluntary basis, but what happened in the end, was that Husband did the job. So if you are in Germany, being trained to sell pharmaceuticals to doctors, watch out for Dr Husband in the training videos, asking his probing questions, and reacting to your answers in his oh-so-British accent.

The people at the studio were very friendly, and told Husband to tell me that they were often on the look-out for voice-over artists. If I wanted to, I could go in and do a trial for free. Somehow I never got round to it. I did do a few recording sessions for the local Radio for the Blind, and that remains the extent of my recording artist career.

Who knows? If I'd gone along to that recording studio, maybe now I would have a career as a voice-over artist. My silky tones would be wafting over your ears when you hear a commercial for fabric conditioner or tea bags. Maybe I could have gone on to full-blown radio acting. Perhaps I would now be on The Archers, a long-lost sister returned from afar to bring a new plot line into the action.

There was a nice outcome of having my accent widely admired, though, even if I didn't make more use of it. I'd never liked my voice (though, does anyone like their own voice?) I'd always thought it rather heavy and ploddy. It was a drip-drip healing balm to have complete strangers and close friends tell me regularly how cute or beautiful my voice was, how they could listen to me talk for hours. I'm not a radio artist, but I do like my voice more than I used to - and that's worth something.


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Sunday, April 17, 2016

The Pursuit of Happiness - book review

Disclaimer: I received a free copy of this book to review, through BritMums. For other reviews of the book, see the BritMums Book Club discussion.

I thoroughly enjoyed this book. Part of that enjoyment was that the author wrote it when she moved with a young family from the UK to the US. Transplanted to a new culture, she was challenged to ask herself what it is that really makes you happy. I found so many echoes of myself, ten years ago. There is nothing like moving to a different society to make you ponder what exactly are the happy-making elements of daily life, since almost all of them change overnight.

Other reviewers found the author overly critical of other cultures and snarky, with a tendency to make sweeping statements. I remember when I started writing a blog from America, I got rather bored of always saying "... but this might not be typical of America generally, it's just my experience". Each post seemed to need a disclaimer. It would be very hard to write a whole book with disclaimers all the way, and I felt that Ruth Whippman included enough personal detail about herself and her children to make it clear that she was writing from her own situation. She didn't come across to me as smug. For example, she notes that she didn't like the stereotyping judgement that a Mormon man makes of single New York women in their thirties, and why they find it hard to find a marriage partner, but in noting her reaction, she acknowledges that other people's views (including hers) of Mormon women marrying young into lives of domesticity are equally stereotypical.

Whippman's criticism is of sub-cultures, institutions, systems, ways of life, rather than of the people within them. I always felt she was treating the individuals she wrote about with respect, and I didn't find her tone judgemental. It was clear to me that her investigation was always about the wider phenomena in which people live (a religion, a parenting fashion, a self-help conference circuit). I warmed to Whippman when she describes how she and her husband decide to have their son circumcised, as they are both (at least part) Jewish, without being able to articulate the reasons why. For her husband, it's "instinctive tribalism", and for her, well, she doesn't quite know, but senses that belonging to a community is an important thing for her son's future. I liked her for not being clear cut, and for understanding that other people's lives aren't clear cut either.

I enjoyed Ruth Whippman's writing. Her experience as a journalist is evident. Her style is clear, concise and elegant. I often found myself re-reading a sentence, simply to enjoy the way she had said something. She can also be very funny, in witty one-liners which had me reading paragraphs out loud to Husband, and telling him he had to read the book after I'd finished it.

What I enjoyed most of all about the book was that it set out to ask (and I don't think it set out to answer) a question that seems such an important one for our time. The clue is in the sub-title. The book is "The Pursuit of Happiness - and Why It's Making Us Anxious". For all the opportunities available to us now, for all the scientific knowledge, for all our improved health and education, it seems obvious to me that we are an anxious society. I found the book at its most interesting when Whippman was looking at the 'Positive Psychology' industry (for it is an industry). She describes how it is increasingly the case that the responsibility for happiness is laid at the door of the individual. The logical conclusion of this, is that if you're not happy, it's because you're not trying hard enough. I've begun to notice this insidious attitude, and I really don't feel comfortable with it. It smacks to me too much of the Victorian well-to-do who held the notion of the deserving and undeserving poor. Whippman gives a few concrete examples where this underlying philosophy has permeated public policy, which I found disturbing (unemployed people in the UK are now subject to "attitude profiling": those with a negative attitude or not displaying enough evidence of motivation are required to spend 35 hours a week at the job centre, whereas those with a more positive attitude may continue their work search on their own schedule at home). Whippman brings her journalist's thoroughness to her research. The lack of integrity she uncovers in the world of academic 'Positive Psychology' is dismaying, given the amount of faith we all place in it, and the way it feeds into public policy.

I thought the book had gaps. She considered whether religious faith makes us happy solely on the basis of the community it creates. Surely she should have looked into whether believing in a higher power is of itself a factor? What about the health and fitness industry? These days, we're bombarded with advice about exercising or eating our way to happiness. What about family life? What about friendships? Is there something peculiarly 21st century that we're doing with those now?

Whippman came across to me as clever, funny, kind, compassionate, and full of common sense. I wish she lived down the road, and then we could mull things over, proper British cups of tea in hand. I think we would agree on many things, and on those we disagreed over, I would still enjoy her sparky, intelligent style of discussion. Would I recommend the book? Absolutely. In fact, when Husband has finished reading it, if you would like my copy, I will pass it on to you. First come, first served.

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Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Ramblings

I have just lamented to a friend in an email that I'm not writing enough these days. So I thought I'd just sit down here, at an empty "new post" screen, and write about this moment.

I'm sitting at my desk, and the view from the window speaks of early spring. There's a colour associated with this time of year, which is on the spectrum where yellow and green meet. It's a damp morning, so the yellowy-green hues seem vibrant and zingy. It's a colour I enjoy in nature, because it's a colour of growth and newness, but I don't usually like it when it's reproduced in man-made items. Orla Kiely uses it well, mixed with orange and brown, but I saw some paper napkins in IKEA yesterday which were that same greeny-yellow, and they just looked very sickly. Nature gets away with so much in her colour palette that we can't copy.

I also see the recycling bin, stuffed to over-flowing, which triggers a little ping of frustration. Will my phone call to the Council have worked? Will someone come and empty it, thereby making space for the contents of the bags that are piling up in our garage?

I enjoy the view from the study window. It looks over our small front garden, and then a quiet driveway. Beyond that, there's a high wall, shielding us from a major road. The wall is just the right height that when a double decker bus drives past, it looks as if the upper deck of passengers are sliding along the top of the wall. It amuses me.

I can hear traffic, and birds. From inside the house, I hear Husband helping my oldest with his Economics revision, sitting at the kitchen table. As I write this, I feel a little uneasy, as it makes us sound like such great parents. Me, engaged in a spot of creative writing, Husband, wrestling through some Economics issues to support the education of our son. I have to add that this is not a typical moment. These days, school work is usually too advanced and too specialised for us to be able to help with, and in any case, I've never been a big homework-doer. They either do it themselves, or they ask the teachers for help, has been my usual approach. My involvement in homework, and Husband's, has been sporadic, to say the least. But this is the Easter holidays, and the next few weeks are 18-yo's last weeks at school, with exams that are weightier in significance than all the many others that have preceded them.

There's a sneeze from the sitting room, reminding me that hay fever season is on its way, and I hope that 15-yo won't be too badly affected this year. There's girlish chatter coming from upstairs, where 12-yo and a friend are talking and sharing (I can hardly use the verb "playing" any more, though I expect there is some of that going on too).

So that is where I am and what I'm surrounded by. What is in my head? Thoughts of a friend who had back surgery yesterday the other side of the Atlantic, and another just a few streets away who is hearing what her cancer treatment plan involves. Thoughts of my mother, dealing with health issues associated with ageing. Anticipation of heading away for the week-end on Friday, for a family birthday celebration, with an accompanying sense of how much easier that is these days, with everyone in the family doing their own packing. Ten or fifteen years ago, I'd have been writing a list, and shopping for journey-friendly snacks. It makes me smile to remember how for years the list began "Bottles, Beakers, Wellies". I miss that level of involvement in my children's travel bags, but I also don't miss it. Until the moment in the day when I've walked the dog, there is always in my head a sense that I must walk the dog, but otherwise, my mind is mellow and my time is soft.

And now I will stop writing.

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Monday, March 21, 2016

Already

If you want a sure-fire way of knowing if someone is speaking British English or American English, listen to the way they use the word 'already'. It's largely to do with the positioning of the word in the sentence. If you asked the following question:

"Would you like me to tell you about the differences between the British and American positioning of the word 'already' in a sentence?"

you could anticipate the following two answers:

[from a Brit]

"No thanks - you already told me about them."

[from an American]

"No thanks - you told me about them already."

Actually, I think the Brit would say "you've already told me" rather than "you already told me", but that's another story.

In British English, we have more flexibility, because we don't have to put the word at the end of the sentence. So we could say

"No thanks - you've already told me about them" or "No thanks - you've told me already about them".

What we gain in flexibility however, we lose in extra meaning. American English can use the word to imply a judgement about the quality of something, as well as the timing of it. An example of this is the phrase 'Enough, already!' (which I think would probably always have an exclamation mark, so I've given it one). If I'm right, it's always used in the context of having had enough of something bad or annoying. This is what a mother says to her whining or arguing children. She wouldn't say it to someone scooping ice cream into a bowl for her - except perhaps with a wry laugh.

In fact, the more I think about it, the more I'm coming to the conclusion that 'already' in American English usually has that sense of world-weariness or irritation about it.



Look at this book title.

You'd know that wasn't British English, wouldn't you?


Photo credit: Blobby Farm



Going back to our original question, I'm guessing that if an American responded to you "No thanks - you told me about those differences already", they would be politely implying "please don't think I want to hear about them again". If they really did just mean that you had  imparted your views on the subject at a previous point in time, they would probably say "No thanks - you told me about them once before".

I think this is one of those Americanisms that's becoming increasingly common over this side of the Atlantic. If you listen out, you will hear our friend 'already' sliding away to the end of the sentence. It's happening now, (or "right now", to use another Americanism). It's happening right now already.

And now I think that's enough about 'already' already.

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Saturday, March 12, 2016

Why is Donald Trump going to ban this cheese?



Because he's going to make America grate again.

(Oh go on, you enjoyed that.)

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Thursday, March 3, 2016

Staying home with a poorly child

This week, four out of five of my family have had a horrid fluey, achey, coldy, coughy bug. That's everyone except me. They had it in succession, like dominoes.

What is a normal expectation of an employer, regarding a parent with an ill child? It seems to me that it's such a grey area. I looked in our staff handbook, and it was a little vague, talking about responsibilities for dependants, and if time off was needed, to please try and give as much notice as possible. Yeah, right. Like flu bugs come along on a schedule.

I just don't know what is reasonable to expect these days. Is it standard practice, would you say, that a parent can phone up in the morning and take a day's sick leave to look after an ill child, as if they were ill themselves? Is it standard practice that they can phone up the next day and take another day? How many days in a row would be accepted without raised eyebrows?

I feel I'm pretty conscientious. As it turned out, I needed only to be at home for two days. I split one of the days with Husband, working in the morning and coming home at lunchtime. The other day, I went in first thing and picked up work I could do at home. It just so happened that one of the days I was off was a particularly bad day to be off. But these things happen, and I feel I really tried my best. I was in the workplace as much as I reasonably could be, and I made good use of the time when I had to be at home (actually, I would say I was more efficient than usual, but the whole working-at-home debate is for another day). I have been left, however, with indications that I was at the limit of what was acceptable.

I clearly need to talk about this with my manager, and I do have my annual review next week, which is a good forum because we can talk about the policy and practice, rather than one specific incident. The culture of the organisation isn't particularly family-friendly, but I hadn't been aware of quite how family-unfriendly it is. I've just been lucky that we've had a pretty healthy time since I've been in the job, and when a child has been ill, either Husband has been able to stay at home, or the child has been old enough and well enough to stay on their own with frequent texts to make sure that they are ok. (I didn't like doing that, but I guess I picked up the culture fairly quickly and realised that I had to save my credits for when I really needed them.)

I would like the process to work on trust. As I say, I feel I went out of my way to continue as best I could. However, I sense that I might be coming from a very different angle to my manager, and that's why I would like a few opinions on what is standard practice these days. Or does it vary hugely? I'm interested to know.

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Thursday, February 25, 2016

Notes on a notebook

Nappy Valley Girl asked me, in her comment on my last post, if I always write blog posts in a notebook, and the answer is no. I rarely do so. I usually type them on the computer. I do, however, have notebooks that I used for writing at the time when I was blogging a lot. I didn't use them very much, so there's not a lot in them, but there are a few half-written posts, or thoughts scribbled down for future mulling over.

I kept one in the car, in the driver's door pocket, a big A4 size one, hardback, and sometimes I'd write when I was waiting to pick up a child, or killing time in a car park for some other reason (looking at you, soccer training). There were others that I took on journeys, A5 size, travel handbag size. There's a really nice leather-bound one, which I remember initially feeling was rather too nice to write in at all! Notebooks were for blogging on the go. This was in the days before smart phones (though I find it really hard to write more than a very short email on a phone, so that wouldn't have helped).

Then there was this little notebook, the one from which I was copying out my last post. It's mobile-phone-sized, and lovely to look at. (Sorry, not a very good photo.)

I have a soft spot for this one. It's not mine; it belongs to Husband. It was a present from a friend of ours, when I was diagnosed with cancer. She gave it to him, saying that he should take it along when accompanying me to medical appointments. It would be helpful to write a list of questions in advance, and to note down what the doctor said. She was so right on both counts. What a very kind, thoughtful, and practical present.

I came across the notebook last week when I was looking for one to take to a work meeting that I was going to from home. It was too small and flowery to be suitable for that, but I started leafing through it. It tells the story of those very intense few weeks, mostly in Husband's handwriting. There's a careful list of phone numbers (how many kind people rallied!). There are 'To Do' lists, including one titled "Thurs Eve", which must have been for the day I had my mastectomy, judging by the things on it (three phone calls to make, feed hamster, and e-mail friends/family). There are a few pages ruled into sections to make a diary, with notes of places the children had to be, and if someone was going to pick them up. I like the entry that reads "J will collect at 9am - go to donuts and then the zoo". I bet that was a fun day for them! There is a list of questions, in my handwriting this time, about Kindergarten - I'd obviously felt the need to send Husband along to an open evening suitably briefed. ("What writing do they teach, and in what grades? Cursive? Sports? How many times a week do they do PE? Music? Other non-American children? Homework? Playground - have a look.") There are lists of questions for doctors, and hastily scribbled answers -  the lists that the notebook was intended for. Lists that give me a bit of a jolt when I read them. Lists that contain "pain meds, steroids, nightmares, can I expect similar pattern next time?" And then there are my thoughts on blogging and writing, that you saw in my previous post. I don't remember where or when I wrote those. I know it was a few months later, because it comes after another, jollier, list, one planning a child's birthday party ("no 2 o'clocks available, balloons $12 doz, hot dogs or pizza, tell Jeanne 2.30 - 4.15").

Remember the idea of a notebook. It's a lovely thing to give someone going through a medical crisis, should you find yourself wondering what to give a friend in that situation.

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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Old thoughts on blogging

I came across a little notebook the other day. It dates back to 2009, when I was blogging away for dear life. There's a blog post in it, which I remember writing. I didn't publish it, because it wasn't finished. It didn't express what I wanted to say - not quite, anyway. Re-reading it now, I find I like it. It doesn't say all I wanted to say, but it does say something. I thought you'd like to read it.

"One thing that blogging has taught me is how powerful the process of writing is. There is something about thinking carefully what words you choose to frame an experience that helps to make sense of it. Or at least to live with the non-sense of it. I have found, too, that words can help you re-frame an experience. It can be like looking at an object from different angles. 

A bowl of fruit, for example, to an artist is the material for a still life painting. To a chef, it's a stock of juicy ingredients. To a mother, it's a burden of healthy food to be coaxed into the mouths of recalcitrant children. Writing is a tool with which I see things in different ways, and the seeing can be a becoming. Just as the bowl of fruit can become different things, though it remains the same, so life's experiences can morph into different shades and colours.

Does any of that make sense?"

That is what I wrote, and though it wasn't finished, I would say to my seven-years-younger self, yes, I think some of that does make sense.

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Saturday, December 26, 2015

Christmas after cancer

Those of you who've followed my blog for a while might remember that I love Christmas. I really do. And since I had cancer, I love it even more. Each one that comes round, I think to myself "This might not have been". This is the seventh Christmas since I had cancer, and I've felt it every year, but I don't think I've ever been brave enough to write it - at least not quite so plainly.

The odd thing is, you would imagine that such feelings would tow along anxiety, fears for the future, panic. And yes, those moments come too. I know I sometimes place an unhealthy load onto events, because the desire to create memories gets out of balance with the ability to live in the present. But mostly, "This might not have been" brings in its wake a warmth, a stillness, and a sense of depth.

Last Sunday, for example, we headed off to get our Christmas tree. We go to same farm, where there's an excruciatingly delicious farm shop and cafe. We've got our tree from there three years running now, so I think that counts as a family tradition. We headed out of the city (only a 15 minute drive, though - I can't tell you how much I love living in a small city...). Desert Island Discs was on the radio, and Kylie Minogue was the castaway. She talked a little about her experience of breast cancer, and one of her discs was a recording of her boyfriend reading a poem full of emotion, so I suppose I was primed. As we turned off the main road towards the farm, the view of the valley emerged before us, and was a picture of absolute beauty. Mist lay in the valley, but you could see dark shapes poking up through it - treetops, hedges, farm buildings. If you'd painted the scene, it would have been all greys and whites, and probably impossible to capture.  It was winter at its most imaginative, and I think I gasped out loud. We'd left a dirty, damp, grey city, but when we got out of the car here in the countryside, the ground was frosty hard underfoot, and the air was crisp. A perfect Christmas moment. A moment that might not have been.

I tread carefully as I write this. Christmas is a time of painful memories, and thoughts of loss, for so many. There are plenty of blog posts out there to remind me of that. I've had my poignant Christmases too - my first as a mother, stuffing a stocking for a 7-month old baby who had no clue what we were doing, was also my first without my father, and there will no doubt be more to come. But in this chapter of life, each Christmas brings joy and peace and thanksgiving for all that is for me, that might not have been.

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Saturday, November 28, 2015

Choosing baby names in the digital age

It was all so much easier when I was choosing baby names. You liked a name and wrote it on a list. Or you had a book of names, and you flicked through it. Now, you can get websites to generate names for you, and avail yourself of naming wizards, and really, you only have yourself to blame if you don't find the perfect name.

Another consideration, these days, is the digital form your baby's name will take. You might take less pleasure in calling your new baby Katharine, for example, if you thought she'd be signing herself K8, or K8EE. I really liked the name Elsie, but now I'm glad I didn't choose it. It lends itself too easily to LC.

Any name that ends in an x (Beatrix, Max, Felix... there are some great ones in this category), now looks to me like it's got a kiss at the end of it, somehow.

Then there's the pitfall of the autocorrect. I have a friend with a son named Fingal, and every time I text her, I'm in severe danger of enquiring how Fungal is.

Anyone else with any stories of autocorrect woes, in the area of names?

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Saturday, November 21, 2015

Getting to know a city

I have always enjoyed getting to know new cities. I loved having an A to Z in my handbag when I lived in London, and rising to the challenge of finding the easiest and quickest way of getting from one place to another using the various public transport options. When I got a car, I had a big-scale street atlas, and I'd plan routes before I set off to try and identify short cuts. I'd have the atlas open on the passenger seat, and dip into parking spots here and there, getting the next segment of the journey imprinted in my brain. I became skilful at spotting "rat runs" while driving - sitting in a traffic jam, and noticing how a stream of cars were turning down a seemingly insignificant street, following them in faith, and emerging quarter of a mile further along the busy blocked road, feeling triumphant.

On foot, too, I always enjoyed exloring back ways and by-ways, discovering little corners seemingly forgotten. I was always amazed at how, in a city of several million, you could take just one or two turns off a busy thoroughfare, and be in a near-empty street.

I suppose all this has got very much easier with phone apps and Google Maps, though I have to say I derived a lot of fun from working out in my head and through time-worn experience, what the satellites above us calculate in seconds in their efficient algorithms.

Each time I've moved during my adult life (which has been a few), I've really relished getting to know a new town or city. I like finding my way round the traffic systems, the public transport, the parking, in a way that I think probably deserves the adjective 'geeky'. I can tell you, for example, at what point the parking zone changes between where I live and the city centre, because I've looked at the parking zone map buried deep as a pdf on the council website. (In my defence, I wasn't working for the first year we were here, and had plenty of time on my hands.) I love finding the nicest parks, the funkiest shopping streets, the best coffee shops. My children tease me, because I have a rule that if we can, we should always support local coffee shops not the big chains, but to me, that has significance: I like getting to get to know the personality of a city, and you can't do that by hopping from Starbucks to Starbucks.

I do use a GPS, but I've noticed that it does mean that it takes much longer to learn your way round, and so in my early days here, I chose not to use it. I suppose my brain has learnt to understand a city by looking at a map, and then translating the bird's eye 2D view into human 3D experience. I like to hold the whole route in my mind, in chunks if necessary, and the GPS only ever reveals the next junction. It feels a precarious way of travelling.

I find it fascinating how a city shrinks as you get to know it. Familiarity makes journeys shorter both in reality, and in the way they feel. In reality, you need less time because you know how to avoid the traffic, where to park, and how far you'll have to walk. When you're new in a city, you have to allow generous margins for error. But the journeys are also shorter in how they feel. Instead of concentrating on the road, looking out for signs, focusing on the GPS instructions, you have the radio on, or you're thinking about Christmas plans.

When we first moved to the city where I now live, I found a furniture shop that had a sale on. I looked at a map, and headed off. It felt like a proper venture. I parked in a side street which was a dead end, and got very stuck, having to do a 3-point turn that became a 7- or 9- point turn. I went to the shop, found a cafe for a sit-down, and then headed home, checking first that I knew how to navigate the journey. It makes me laugh inwardly now, when I pass that furniture shop, because it's a five minute walk from my work. I think absolutely nothing of the drive to work (or the bus journey if Husband needs the car). It's fifteen to twenty minutes, door to door. I know where to park (and would never head down that tiny dead end). The cafe which was formed part of a morning's outing when I had time on my hands, has become the cafe I pop into to grab a quick sandwich at lunchtime.

The vet is another example. The first time I had a vet's appointment, I allowed plenty of extra time. I didn't know where the building was, where I would park, how long it would take to get a lively puppy on the lead and out of the car safely, and I wanted to be early for the appointment, as a model puppy-owner should be. The journey seemed quite a trek. Now, I allow about ten minutes to get to the vet, all told. It's really very near: 1.4 miles according to Google Maps and "4 min without traffic". I go straight to a street round the corner which has an uncommonly wide pavement that everyone parks on, and where there's always space. I no longer wonder if it's ok to park there and if I'll get a ticket. I just park. Or I walk - 28 minutes according to Google Maps. If you'd told me three years ago, when I was planning my first drive to the vet, that I could walk there, I would have thought you must be one of those seriously hearty city-dwellers who live in walking boots and an anorak, with a permanent backpack. But it is, indeed, only about 30 minutes, and most of it along a convenient cycle path.

The other factor, in my shrinking journey time to the vet, is that I now plan to arrive at the very last minute, or even a minute or two late, as Hector gets over-excited in the waiting room and barks incessantly. We were once asked to wait outside - oh, the humiliation. Hector gets over-excited, and I sit wondering if someone is going to bring in a snake and planning my escape route for that eventuality - the vet waiting room is not a relaxing place for us. Thus it is that what, in my head, used to be an afternoon's outing, is now a small task on the calendar, to be fitted in easily and quickly between other bits of life. My days are busier, time is more precious and has done that elastic thing that time does, but geography has done it too. The city has definitely shrunk.

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Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Forth Road Bridge

We are getting a new bridge. Hurrah! The old one is reaching the end of its life, and so a shiny new one is opening next year. I believe there are a lot of people who don't know much about the bridges across the Forth, so I thought I'd give you a little teach-in.

This one is the famous one. It's the Forth RAIL Bridge. It's the one that people refer to when they say that a project is "like painting the Forth Bridge", meaning that as soon as you've finished, you have to start again. Except in recent years, they've painted the whole thing using a very durable paint, and now they won't have to start again for forty years. I wonder if the expression will be as durable as the new paint, even though it's now not technically correct. I imagine so, as it's such a useful expression, and I can't think of one with a similar meaning that would do instead.

The Forth Rail Bridge was opened in 1890, and is now a UNESCO World Heritage Site. It wasn't designed by Brunel, though I expect a lot of people think it was (including me, probably, before I started writing this blog post). It has that 19th century big metal engineering structure look about it. Looking at it makes me want to use the word "cantilever", though I have no idea at all what one is.



This is the existing Forth ROAD Bridge, which doesn't have the majestic stature of the rail bridge (I'm trying to avoid the use of the word "iconic" here), but I do think it has a certain chunky dignity. When the new one is open, the old one will stay, for use by buses, taxis, cyclists and pedestrians.




Here is what the new Forth Road Bridge is going to look like. I like its svelte elegance.


There was a competition in 2012/13 to name the new bridge. Anyone could send in a suggestion, and then there was a vote on the top five. I was going to send in the suggestion "The Third Forth Bridge" (geddit?), and didn't, because I assumed a load of other people would, and then I would just be able to vote for it. But I was wrong in my assumption. I happened to cross the new Severn bridge in the summer of 2013, and I was delighted to see that it's called "The Second Severn Crossing". Well done, the Welsh. That's my kind of humour.

So not enough people suggested "The Third Forth Bridge" to get it into the top five, but apparently there was a popular suggestion to call the bridge "Kevin". There's a Scottish comedian called Kevin Bridges, which may help you to understand this seemingly odd idea. Though there is a blogger who calls her book club Kevin, so I guess you can call anything Kevin if you want to.

In fact, the five names that were shortlisted were rather unimaginative. They were:

  • Caledonia Crossing
  • Firth of Forth Crossing
  • Queensferry Crossing
  • Saltire Crossing
  • St Margaret's Crossing. 

Over 35,000 people voted (not including me - I thought the suggestions were too boring), and the name "Queensferry Crossing" was the winner.

A lot of English people think that the bridges are a crossing between England and Scotland. They're not. The Firth of Forth is to the north side of Edinburgh, so if that were the case, Edinburgh would be in England. Which it isn't. The border between England and Scotland is a landmark that is much less conspicuous. In fact, it isn't a landmark at all. It's a sign on the A1, with a small layby. It would be nice to have a fancy bridge as the border, wouldn't it? It would make arriving in one country from the other feel a bit more special. I suppose we'll either have to move the border up to the Firth of Forth and then either relocate Edinburgh in its entirety, or let Edinburgh be in England. Alternatively, we could dig a huge channel across the Scottish Borders, and then build a bridge over it. The easiest solution, actually, would be to move the border a bit. It follows the River Tweed for miles and miles, and then just as it gets towards Britain's eastern edge, it jinks north and hits the coast about eight miles north of Berwick-upon-Tweed. This is somewhat perverse and rather a shame, because otherwise, these splendid bridges (road and rail) could be a rather satisfying border crossing.


And that little detour to Berwick-upon-Tweed,  my friends, concludes my lesson on the Forth Bridges.

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Friday, November 6, 2015

You will be really surprised that I'm posting about this

You don't have me down as the kind of blogger who posts about Christmas ads, do you? You're right. I'm not. I don't like promoting big corporations, I don't like the commercialism of Christmas, and I don't watch much tv. What's more, I don't like receiving emails that call themselves an "exclusive preview", when I know that I'm one of several hundred thousand people receiving the email. But I liked this video, and I'm meant to be posting once a week and already failing at that, so I'm going to share it with you. Lazy blogging. Sorry.

What I like about it is this:
  • it's short (one minute - well done, M&S, less is more)
  • it's fun
  • it's not smaltzchy (is that a word?) and doesn't romanticise Christmas, but realistically suggests that things like having 40 winks on the sofa are a nice part of the day ("if only"... I hear you all sigh)
  • yes, it's full of glamourous women and smiley children, and the parents don't look tired enough and don't show even a flicker of annoyance when their daughter jumps on them and interrupts their post-dinner 40 winks, but they all seem to be having a bit of a lark, rather than being the perfect Christmas family, and the scenes are random and a tad weird
  • yes, it's only 6 November and we haven't had Bonfire Night yet, so too early, too early for Christmas stuff, but well, you can't blame a big retailer for being like all the rest of them
  • it's made me realise why I always dislike other Christmas ads that get hyped (John Lewis, I'm looking at you here). At some level, they do all send out that "you too could have the perfect Christmas" message, even if it's cunningly disguised as penguins and pyjamas. I like this M&S one because I don't quite understand it, but it's a romp that throws itself full pelt at Christmas, and it stirred up something jolly. Jolly and not too perfect. 
I have not been paid, reimbursed or acknowledged in any way for this post. Just cleverly manipulated by an unseen creative advertising agency.





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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Spider phobia

Every blog has its interludes from time to time, when there's a feeling in the air of "where am I going? what's this blog for?". I've had mine, and now I'm back.

Daughter is scared of spiders. I understand. When I was a child (and still now), I had (have) a snake phobia. I never saw a real snake, but that didn't matter. I remember seeing a picture of a snake in a book or on the tv, and the back of my neck would constrict, there'd be a jarring, ringing, grating noise in my ears, and I would feel frozen. It was a visceral reaction. I expect it saved my ancestors from death by anaconda, and was handed down in the DNA as a useful evolutionary tool.

Logic, reason, understanding... they didn't come into the phobia. My brother had a toy wooden cobra, made of a long series of wooden Vs, and I hated it. I hated the way its many joints would allow it to move from side to side in curves, like a real snake. I knew it wasn't a real snake, of course, but I still hated it. He would occasionally silently nmanoeuvre it round my bedroom door, and I'd turn round from doing my homework at my desk and see it, and feel petrified. Turned to stone, is what the word petrified means, and it was like that. The jangling noise in my ears and the freezing sensation in my body. He stopped doing that trick (he was a kind soul), and sometimes I would go into his bedroom, and make myself touch that wooden cobra, and pick it up. Logic must triumph over irrational panic, I would tell myself. But I'd only do that when no-one else was around.

I would only go to a zoo if I knew I didn't have to go into the reptile house. Snakes were the worst, but I didn't like lizards either. I did used to go to Tring Museum, where there was a large display of stuffed animals, collected by one of the Lord Rothschilds (he who had zebras to pull his trap instead of horses). There weren't any stuffed snakes, but there were snake skins. Trouble was, they were opposite the dogs. I loved the stuffed dogs. So I would go round the first few galleries knowing that I had a choice ahead (Tring Museum was a regular holiday treat), and trying to gather my courage. I could avoid the snake skins, but that would mean missing the dogs. I remember the fear, and how only facing it would mean I could manage it. So I would sidle along, looking at the dogs, and then when I felt brave enough, I would turn round, look at those dusty old snake skins, pinned out in glass cases, and prove to myself that I had nothing to fear.

So I understand 11-yo's fear of spiders. I know that saying "it won't hurt you" or "it's probably more frightened of you than you are of it" doesn't help. What I want to do, is to find out how to help - not just for the here and now, because we deal ok with each episode, but for the future. Is it best to help a child root out a phobia like this? Or is it best to live with it, until your chid is a young adult and can make her own decisions about what she wants to face and what she wants to put up with? I don't want to risk making it worse. If I've ever suggested doing anything about it, 11-yo, predictably, meets the suggestion with an emphatic "no!".

The difference between a snake phobia and a spider phobia is this. The snake phobia was unpleasant, but not significantly life-limiting. It would have been problematic if we'd moved to Australia, presumably, or gone on exotic holidays, but we didn't, so it wasn't. But if you live in the UK, and you fear and hate spiders, it's something that you have to deal with fairly frequently. I can see that 11-yo manages very well, and as far as I'm aware, it isn't something that hangs over and colours her daily life. But she'd still be better off without the fear, and I'd like to know what I can do to help.

I was going to put up a picture of snakes and spiders, but if you type that kind of thing into Google images, it really spoils your Wednesday evening. Go right ahead on your own, if you would like to see some. You don't need me to pick one out for you.

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Sunday, October 4, 2015

Old Bloggers Award

So, as I said in my previous post (notice how I didn't say "my last post" there), I was reading Expat Mum's post about old bloggers, and she gave me an award. Just like the old days. The award is the Dragon Award for Loyalty, and it's only for people who've been blogging since 2010. I don't really get it. Are dragons known for their loyalty? Or just for being old? Anyway, here it is, and thank you very much.


I then have to tell you seven things about myself that you may not know. Here goes:

I like listening to The Archers, but I'm not obsessive. If I miss it, I miss it.

Husband has the masculine version of my name (think Paul and Pauline, Richard and Ricarda, Justin and Justine - that kind of thing). I like it, not least because it often provides a really easy conversation opener at a social occasion.

I always hated being tall, and seldom wore heels in my teens and twenties. Husband is my height, so when we first got together, and for many years, that "seldom" went down to "never". Then I bought a pair of heels for a fancy-dress do, and really liked them. The next time I was thinking of wearing them, my daughter (aged about 9 at the time) was watching me dress. I made some comment about not wearing the shoes because they made me taller than Daddy, and she said she didn't think that mattered and I should wear them anyway. That comment completely changed my attitude. I now wear heels if I want to, and I enjoy them. It's not just that I want to model to my daughter a more confident attitude than I have had (it looks like she is going to be tall too) - though that is true. Something in me just shifted, the moment she said what she said.

I don't have lots of favourite films that I can watch over and over. I'd always rather watch something new, because there is so much good stuff out there. However, I do have a very few favourites... Hang on a minute, I think I've shared this in a blog post before... that's the trouble with being an old blogger... you're bound to repeat yourself... but in case you missed it last time, my old favourite dvds are Billy Elliot, The Blind Side, The Full Monty, and Elf (but only the first half where it's just ridiculous and politically incorrect, not the schmultzy second half, and I know you'll disagree with me, Potty Mummy, because you enjoy Zooey Deschanel singing Santa Claus is Coming to Town).

I am a big advocate of the split infinitive, because it's only pedantry that has made it unacceptable over all these years.

I have a colleague at work who shares my taste in names, and we have lots of conversations slagging off other people's choices. We always pre-fix what we say with "of course taste is very personal, but...". I realise this is going to end horribly badly, because one day we're going to be in full raucous humour about a name, and someone is going to come into the room and be offended.

That's six, not seven, but quite enough.

Now I have to name some old bloggers to pass the award on to. Very hard, given that Expat Mum has picked lots of the ones I would pick. But here goes. It's awarded to you, Paradise Lost in Translation, Reluctant Memsahib, Happy Homemaker UK, Motherhood the Final Frontier, Rosie Scribble, Is There a Plan B?, Kelloggsville, Sticky Fingers and Pig in the Kitchen. Blimey, I didn't realise I knew so many old bloggers. Maybe some of you could emerge from blogging mothballs and manage a post.
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Saturday, October 3, 2015

Old bloggers never die, they simply write the last post

I was feeling nostalgic about blogging this morning. I think it's autumn that does it. I often feel nostalgic in autumn. I was reflecting on how big a part of my life blogging was when I started in 2007, how intense it felt, how much fun I had. I was thinking how much I miss it, and how I've often thought I would love to carry on writing in some other forum but haven't found the right thing (or even looked very hard).

I also confess to a feeling of failure. My blogging world seems littered with bloggers who have gone on to do great things. Great writing things. They've written novels, or columns for websites of world-respected newpapers, they've continued journalist or writing careers, they run websites that mean they and their family travel the world having lovely holidays, they appear on tv and radio. Me? Not so much. What happened to me?

In my defence... and here followed a list of stuff about my life that I chopped out, because yes, I have a busy life, but that's life, and the point is in the final sentence which is... But I often have moments when I lament to myself that I'm not writing, and I feel like I'm making excuses.

I started doing "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, getting another blogger to do it with me (always good to be accountable to someone). We didn't even last a week. I have vaguely researched local writing groups, but have never been brave enough to put my joining toe in the water. I've kept this blog ticking over, a slow drip that has almost dried up. Though frequently I do still think of ideas for posts, and craft them in my head. Only yesterday, shopping in Morrisons, I was mentally penning a piece on why sweetcorn tins are sold in shrink-wrapped packs of three, when everything else is sold in packs of two or four, and whether perhaps the person behind the decision had middle child syndrome (things in threes, you see), a working hypothesis which is rather borne out by the Green Giant marketing schtick. If that doesn't speak of sibling envy and an inferiority complex, I don't know what does.

Anyway, where was I? Finding excuses for why I haven't gone anywhere with writing. I mean, I was runner-up for a couple of awards at one point, for heaven's sake. Blogging, for me, changed significantly when it all got social media-ised. It's not possible (I don't think) to run a very successful blog these days, unless you're joined up with Facebook, Twitter, and whatever else might come along. That means it's all a lot more time-consuming, and (here's the nub) you can't be anonymous. I found my writing feet, and flourished, when I could do so secretly behind a computer screen. Thinking back, there is so much that I just couldn't have written, if it hadn't been not only that I was anonymous, but that the whole blogging world was largely anonymous, or at least that it all started out that way. (Remember the boob cake?)  I can't get that back, and I'm not sure how to find the freedom that I felt, without it. Though I still feel like I'm making excuses.

So this is what I propose. To remember that it's not a competition. That it doesn't matter what other people have or haven't done from their blogging platforms. That it's not a question of success and failure. That, actually, writing for the sake of writing is ok, even if doesn't go anywhere. And not being anonymous is ok. It makes things different, but not wrong. Just different. So, I will promise myself to write a little each week. I will investigate the group of Blogging Nostalgiks that my old china Expat Mum has told me about. I will investigate another group of "Writers Over 40" that I came across on Britmums recently (though I would have qualified a decade ago, but they're probably flexible on the upper end of the age bracket). Baby steps, I know, but if I'm to get back into writing, I've got to start somewhere. Because I don't want any post to be my last post.

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